Summer Break
It’s been almost 9 years since my head started hurting. That’s over 3,000 days of relentless all-consuming pain.
Yet, even though migraines seem to have taken over my life, they are still only one part of it. I’m still a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, mentor, author, blogger, pet owner, author assistant, freelance worker, homeowner, menopausal woman, and all the other hats we all wear.
Life didn’t stop because my head hurts, migraines just added a new layer of difficulty.
Life is Hard
The last few months have been extremely stressful for me.
- I had two migraine procedures done.
- Our twins graduated high school.
- I had non-migraine-related health issues that led to major surgery.
- We are working on getting the girls ready for college (orientation, vaccinations, and all the things).
- And so much more.
Through all of this, I’ve tried my hardest to help other authors and keep up with my own writing.
I have failed.
As the number of unread emails in my inbox grows and my to-do list gets longer, instead of focusing on healing I’ve been stressing myself out. I keep heaping more and more pressure on myself to get things done. I’m constantly feeling defeated because I haven’t been able to do all the things.
When I finally feel up to doing something, I overdo and set myself back… and still feel worthless because I didn’t even make a dent in my to-do list. If I had a penny for every deadline I’ve missed at this point, I could probably buy a new car.
I’ve talked to God about it and feel Him prompting me to take a sabbatical.
Break Time
Elijah was one of the greatest prophets in the Old Testament. He even appeared to Jesus with Moses during the transfiguration.
But his life wasn’t easy.
At one point, Elijah was being hunted and became greatly discouraged (depressed and hopeless)—to the point he called out to God to end his life. Instead of granting Elijah’s request, God sent an angel that told him to eat a snack and take a nap.
That’s something that has been acknowledged in Christian circles for awhile now. But here’s the thing: God didn’t tell him to do that one day and then get back to work. For 40 days, that’s all Elijah did.
I think that’s something we miss in our fast-paced society. We acknowledge that sometimes we need a break, but we think it needs to be a short-term quick fix instead of soul-deep surrender. Instead of trusting God to take care of everything while we rest in His grace.
Even after the 40-days, God didn’t tell Elijah to buck up and get back to work.
First, God met him where he was and called him into His presence. Then, God gave Elijah his next steps.
For Elijah, the next step was completing two tasks and then passing the torch so to speak, by anointing Elisha as God’s prophet in Elijah’s place. Then he was taken up to heaven.
Time to Stop
At this point, I don’t know what my next steps are, but God has called me to stop striving. He’s calling me into that soul-deep surrender; to stop thinking about all the things I have committed to, or even want to do, and just leave it all in His hands.
Which is why I’m taking the summer off. My girls will leave for college at the end of August, and my husband and I will be official empty-nesters. My only plan at this point is to re-evaluate in September.
All Elijah did for 40 days was eat and sleep. There was no pressure beyond that, and I think that’s what I need—that’s what I feel God calling me to do—to just be.
What’s to Come
Once September rolls around, I will start seeking God’s will for the future. I hope that means publishing more books, celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Candidly Christian, and all the other things I’ve had my heart set on. But I’m trusting God to lead me when the time is right.
I need to spend the summer letting go before I’m ready to step into the future God has for me, whatever that future is.
