New Eyes & Excessive Worry

I was born with retinoblastoma.

So was my son.

It’s a rare type of cancer where tumors grow on the retina of your eye. If it’s left untreated, the tumors can travel down the optic nerve into the brain, causing death. Thus, we both lost our right eyes before our first birthdays and have prosthetics.

Growing up with a prosthetic eye was a little awkward. Okay, it’s still awkward to have one eye. I may or may not walk into doors on occasion. But what was really awkward was getting a new prosthetic.

Yes, I have a new eye. (No, I can’t see any better.)

Unmet Expectations

The problem is that my new eye isn’t everything I hoped it would be.

It’s too big and it’s obviously a prosthetic. I wanted to look normal, but I don’t. It’s a reminder that I never will.

Thus, part of me wished I could just sweep the experience under the rug. Forget it ever happened and that my prosthetic even exists.

However, my new prosthetic feels different than my old one, so I can’t forget. Plus I see it every time I look in the mirror. Then you have my tribe.

I have a huge tribe of wonderful men and women (online and off) who love me. They are awesome. And they can all tell the difference, and are all super happy for me. I couldn’t sweep it under the rug if I tried.

And then this happened…

Related Facebook Post

Excessive Worry

I was recently in an online prayer meeting. Everyone was praying and all I could think about was the fact that my eye lids on my prosthetic eye don’t close all the way anymore (because it’s so big). I was trying to make them close by squeezing them shut. Thinking about how ridiculous I must look and wondering how many people thought I wasn’t praying because my eyes weren’t closed. Or worse, that I was peeking because only one eye was open. Seriously, y’all I was a mess.

And that’s when God spoke to my heart.

I was so consumed with what others might think of my eye that I missed most of the prayer.

She was so consumed with what others might think, she missed the moment… Share on X

How much of life was I missing by worrying about my prosthtic?

Matthew 6:27 says, “Can any of you add one moment to his life span by worrying?” (CSB)

My worrying about my eye wasn’t helping anything. It was stealing the joy I could have been having in that moment. I was giving Satan a foothold to distract me from Jesus. It was excessive worry.

I’m guessing most of you don’t have a prosthetic eye, but we all have something. Something we worry about when we could be focused on what is really important.