The Migraine That Never Went Away…

It was the summer of 2017, and I felt like I was on the top of the world. I led the women’s Bible study at my church and was living out my passion as an author writing for Christ. My family and I had moved to our small Texas town a few years prior, and the small-town life suited us – it suited me.

Life wasn’t always easy, but I breathed deep.

I was loving Jesus and living life to the fullest.

In fact, earlier that summer we had been camping and hiking in the mountains of Colorado with the youth group from our church.

Then it happened…

One day I got this insane migraine: it was super intense, and I couldn’t shake it.

That migraine changed my entire world…

The Beginning

After a few days of laying in bed, I made a doctor appointment. My head hurt so bad, something had to give.

The doctor gave me a shot and sent me home… but it didn’t help. A few days later I was back at the doctor begging for something to stop the pain.

July 21st was the first time I was hospitalized for my migraines.

I don’t remember much of what happened over the next few weeks. I just know my head hurt. Bad.

At some point, they took me from the hospital in our small town to a hospital in the city by ambulance. It was the first time I had ever been in an ambulance.

Here’s the thing: The agonizing pain in my head made everything that came next blur together. There were lots of tests run. I know there was something wrong with my spinal fluid. And I know they couldn’t give me the medicine that helped ease the pain if my blood pressure dropped too low. But most of the time I just laid in bed with my eyes closed, wishing the pain would go away.

It never did.

They eventually sent me home. My head still hurt, but not as bad. The first ten days after I left the hospital were the best. After that, I went downhill quickly.

I was back in the hospital less than six months later.

Related Post: Hope for When You Feel Like Giving Up On Life

Changing Doctors

The first 11 months went by with no sign of hope. My neurologist, while he assured me he was the best there was, didn’t make any promises. He explained that there was so much we didn’t know about the human brain, but with enough trial and error, we might eventually find something that worked.

And there was a lot of error.

He had so many patients, he didn’t know who I was most of the time.

He ran the same tests repeatedly. He relied on me to tell him which medicines I had tried and which ones I hadn’t. The problem with this was that my head hurt so bad I had no clue. I could hardly process simple questions like what my name was most of the time.

A Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

One day, when I was at the local emergency room getting treated for extreme pain, a local doctor asked if I would be willing to come see him for my migraines. Since my neurologist was a 45-minute drive and we weren’t seeing results (and he didn’t even seem hopeful), I decided to give it a go.

That local doctor got better results in less than a month than my neurologist had in almost a year.

One morning, I was taking the trash out to the curb and realized my head didn’t hurt.

It stopped me in my tracks.

I took a deep breath, smiled, and then the pain started easing back in.

But it gave me hope.

Sadly, it seemed like as soon as my body adjusted to the new medication, the migraines came back full force. I would have a good week when the doctor increased the dosage, but then my body would adjust and it would stop working.

Eventually, I was on the maximum dose, and my body had adjusted to the medicine. The doctor apologized and said he had tried everything he could think of.

Clinging to Jesus

Whether it’s your head, your back, your joints, or something else, when we feel miserable, we can let that awful feeling consume us. Heather Hart has experienced this firsthand through her own struggle with chronic migraines. For over seven years, she’s had some bad days and some really bad days. The one thing that’s gotten her through is Jesus.

Buy your copy of Clinging to Jesus today and discover 10 ways to cling to Jesus while you’re in pain.

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Learning About Migraines

About this time, one of my husband’s coworkers told him about a clinic that specialized in migraines. They had helped someone he knew, and he thought we should give it a try. It was a four and a half hour drive from where we lived, but at this point, my head had been hurting for a year and a half and we were desperate.

Before the doctors at this clinic would see you, they required you to take a two-hour class about migraines. Part of me wished my first neurologist would have taken that class. By the time it was over, I felt like I knew more than he did. Which was frustrating, but also inspired hope.

These people knew their stuff.

If anyone could help me, I felt like it would be them.

I have a dear friend who drove me the four-and-a-half hours to the clinic once every three months to see the neurologist. This neurologist didn’t just treat my migraines; she acted like she cared. Sadly, the billing department at the clinic didn’t mesh well with our insurance company and I had to find another new neurologist.

Thankfully, the new, new neurologist was only two-and-a-half hours away and just as wonderful as the last one. Maybe even more so.

A Ray of Hope

My migraines were starting to get better. I actually had a full day without a migraine in January of 2020. The sad part was that I spent the entire day dreading the moment the pain would flood back in and didn’t enjoy a moment of it.

And sure enough, the relief didn’t last. My migraines started getting worse again. I’m not sure if it was the stress of life (mother of four and distance learning) or my body adjusting to medication again, but that’s just the way it was.

My new new neurologist finally sent me to another neurologist who specialized in spinal headaches. She thought maybe when they did the spinal tap back in 2017 it hadn’t healed right.

It took almost a year to get in, but in 2021 I had my first blood patch.

It was a complete success…

…for 10 months I was virtually migraine free. I still had regular headaches everyday, but they weren’t migraines that brought me to tears.

However, once again the pain relief didn’t last. The blood patch failed and my migraines came rushing back. My second blood patch lasted three months. My third, less than a week.

The fourth blood patch they did a little differently. They used fibrin to mix with my blood all down my spine. That patch lasted 11 months before I did something to my back that caused it to fail.

I’m currently living on my ninth blood patch, however it didn’t kick my migraines completely. Way back when I took the 2-hour class on migraines they explained that the longer your head hurts, the more likely it is for hurting to become your head’s default setting. After all these years, it’s safe to say that hurting is my head’s default setting.

Plus, I have to be careful not to knock my blood patch out. Because the blood patches do work. When my blood patch fails, the pain comes back in an unrelenting way. It’s a 24-7, every moment of every day type pain. Because of that, I’m not allowed to vacuum, sweep, mop, or dig. No strenuous bending, lifting, or twisting for the rest of my life.

My Head Still Hurts

It’s been more than 3,000 days—over eight years—since my head started hurting, and we are still looking for a way to make it stop.

In the beginning, I had good days and bad days. I had days when I clung to Jesus with all I had in me and days where I felt empty inside. But after 2K+ days of migraines, the pain has worn me down. In all the posts I’ve written, they are partly to share my story, but also to remind myself that even when it hurts, God is still good.

We don’t have all the answers, and I don’t even feel like there is hope most of the time. My head may hurt for the rest of my life to one degree or another.

And that’s depressing.

They currently have me on heavy pain killers that allow me to function. They help with the brain fog that comes with having a migraine. My head still hurts, but I can at least participate in life again. And we are still pursuing other treatment options.

While I don’t have any grantees when it comes to my chronic pain journey, I do have hope in Jesus. Because Jesus said that while we are in this world we may have trouble, but we can take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:3).

All that said, if you are reading this and are going through your own chronic pain journey, I want you to know that you are not alone; and it’s my hope that you find Jesus here.

I had no idea that first couple of days that I would be dealing with this pain all these years later, yet here I am.

Chronic pain takes a toll but the good news is that Jesus remains the same – yesterday, today, and forever. And His love never waivers.

Life is hard, but God is good.

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